A Great Mystery

Love is a word that is used in our world today often flippantly. What is real love? Can you love others while hating yourself? These are age-old questions perhaps, for good reason. We all desire love, we all long to be understood by others, or at least one special someone.

Tragic events often cause us to block those emotions and responses out of a natural feeling to preserve ourselves. To save ourselves further pain. I get that...more than you may know. But do we not reflect our own pain, responses, and inadequacies onto others when we are hiding away, afraid of people? Assuming that they too will hurt us and that they are thinking bad things about us, they will find fault or shortcomings that will cause them to turn away.

Have you ever sabotaged what could be love or compassion from someone because it was opening up feelings that you feared would only lead to pain? I understand that too, but is love worth enough to stay and fight? To see what might happen?

You are probably asking what is the big mystery in all of this? Love and pain seem to follow one another. I was reminded by The Holy Spirit to re-read an old book that I love, "Hinds Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hurnard. Just barely into the second chapter, I had to stop and share some things with you. Things that have been happening in my life. Things that happen in all of our lives if we allow them.

I know I talk a lot about trauma and pain. Who hasn't had some if not a lot of both? These things skew our view. Often changing our opinion about ourselves as well as others. Many of us take the blame for things that happen that are out of our control. Others blame everyone else but feel deep shame for bad decisions. It is hard to love others when you feel this way. Even those of us that care deeply for people and want to help can find it difficult to trust enough to show true love.

Learning who I am in Christ has been a big part of my lessons from God in recent years. I sought out that understanding at His urging. Pursuing it with my heart, to understand how He sees me, what He made me for, and wanting to understand what love looks like. That road has not been an easy one, but I believe it is necessary. I learned a lot and have been on a journey with Him toward healing for at least 7 years. I have been moving toward the dreams and goals He has given me...and there have been hiccups, roadblocks, and disappointments, but I had to give it all to Him and say, "In the good and bad, I love you and you are good, God". Whether it looks like I expect it to, or feels like I want it to, I trust you.

Here is the thing, we must know who we are to Him and who He is to us to understand love. To not allow ourselves to be shamed by the enemy, to set healthy boundaries in our relationships, and make good choices because we see ourselves as worthy of good things. Worthy not because of us, but because of Him. We are His and that is reason enough. We can then begin to move in the direction He leads us. It is easier to follow someone that you love and trust.

As tempting as it is to make our purpose our whole focus, and our reason for being, it is not the plan. We need to know who we are and understand our identity and gifting to more effectively move in the direction He leads us but here is the kicker......We have to be ready to give it all up for Him. This is not a new concept, One of my other favorite books "The Dream Giver" by Bruce Wilkinson also addresses this phenomenon. Seeking out your purpose only to be willing to surrender it to God.

So the great mystery is the need to understand how God sees you, how He made you, and who you are to Him but once you have learned to love Him, you must love others because you are loved despite your infirmities and shortcomings. You must also be willing to lay down even the dream that He placed in your heart to keep Him at the center of your focus. Even Abraham was asked to lay down his dream and promise of a son and family to follow after him to show that his whole heart belonged to God. (See Genesis 22).

We can do nothing of ourselves and if the dream becomes the focus...He will ask us to lay it down. Perhaps even if it hasn't taken that place but could, we must lay it at His feet. All things are His and His ways are good. The pain, the trials, and even the losses of things that we may love are not always bad...often it is for our good to lose things that were bringing us pain, taking us off track, blocking His path, keeping us in fear. We will be stronger, wiser, and more able to follow Him after we have been pruned.

The things that the enemy stole will be returned, there is a rewind/reset of those things that were lost to the enemy. But the wisdom, power, authority, strength, and stability that was gained in the process will remain. Trust that those things that God allowed to be removed for His purposes were for your good and better things are ahead of you. Don't be afraid to lay down everything, even the dream, at His feet. He will give back more than you had to offer and it will be worth it.

I know that it can be scary to let go of what you have put your sweat, tears, effort, and love into but God has a beautiful plan and His plan will prevail.

Know who you are but give that knowledge back to Him and trust Him with it.

In His love,

Charissa